2020 Announcement

Hello, this is Bigfoot again, and I am officially declaring my candidacy for President of the United States (POTUS) in 2020.

I am running neither as a Republican nor as a Democrat. In fact, I don't belong to any political party whatsoever. I am as independent as they come.

Besides, I'm a bit of a loner anyway. I prefer to do things on my own. By myself. Basically devoid of human contact.

I ran unsuccessfully in 2016, mainly because the news media was more interested in Donald Trump's hair and sound bites, or Hillary Clinton's zeal for power and the number of different shades of blue she was capable of wearing. And also because Blogger.com kind of sucks as a marketing tool. I intend to change that, though, by utilizing social media as a central part of my 2020 campaign.

You might be wondering why a nine-foot-tall hairy recluse like me is running for president.

Because the traditional two-party system sucks. American voters are usually left choosing between the lesser of two evils, settling on a candidate that they may not really favor and voting against another candidate.

That's counter-productive to the representative process. American voters shouldn't have to settle. They shouldn't feel they have to vote against one candidate by casting a ballot for another.

So, that is why I have offered myself up as an independent candidate for POTUS. The world we live in is three-dimensional. Why shouldn't the political process be that way, too? Why do we need to accept it as only two dimensions?

There are more directions, after all, than left or right. There's also up, down, all around and diagonal, too!

Now, let's talk about my qualifications. I may not be fully human, but science considers me the missing link and I possess many human traits. I am, more or less, a humanoid hominid type being.

Besides, I know in my gut that I am really a human trapped in a Sasquatch body. I am species-questioning.

I think, therefore, I am.

I am bipedal.

I have and use opposable thumbs expertly.

I'm adept at playing hide and seek.

I'm a good communicator. Howling and wood knocking always seem to get my points across.

I settle disputes efficiently. Throwing rocks and boulders discourages an escalation to conflicts.

I am a good steward of the land and the environment. I am a tride-and-true conservationist.

I utilize green energy better than any human does.

But don't confuse me with environmentalists. I don't believe in a hands-off approach. If I did, then I wouldn't support the beaver in utilizing lumber to build his lodges and dams.

I'm more fiscally conservative than any human is, because I don't use money at all to live and thrive. I know how to do more with less.

I'm an avid hunter-gatherer.

I'm a strict follower of an extreme paleo diet, so I am the most health conscious candidate you will ever encounter.

I have lived in the United States longer than any human, so that gives me grandfathered residency dating back tens of thousands -- maybe even millions -- of years.

And age-wise, you'd probably have to use carbon-dating to determine that. I really don't know. But I'm more mature than the oldest humans.

Here are my positions on issues:

I support organic agriculture, as well as animal harvesting for food. I'm an omnivore, what would you expect?

I believe in conserving natural resources, so there is plenty to use for many years to come.

I am pro-life, meaning I oppose both abortion on demand and the death penalty. The former is just plain macabre. The latter is an inefficient use of resources, offering criminal offenders an easy way out to avoid a lifetime debt to society.

Who in their right mind would choose to kill a tiny, little defenseless and innocent infant? That would be akin to killing a litter of puppies inside of your dog's belly. Really?! Something is wrong with people who want this choice.

I see more pragmatic ways to utilize lifetime convicts who are on death row. A lot of money is wasted on them just sitting there, waiting years for their sentences to be carried out. Instead, have all of these lifers get busy building shelters for the homeless; assembling emergency supplies for victims of natural disasters; preparing and canning shelf-stable food for the hungry; repairing or renovating prisons; working in textile factories that produce clothing for the homeless and poor; rehabilitating homeless animals; building furniture; producing fans and heaters to be given to the elderly, disabled, infirmed and poor to use during months of temperature and weather extremes.

Sticking a needle in a lifetime convict and sending him or her off into a peaceful sleep is wasting an opportunity to use their labors for good. Just saying.

I believe in the axiom "live and let live." Let me live and I'll let you live. Simple.

I am a bit of an isolationist, I admit, and I tend toward fundamental nationalism. That is, I believe in protecting and defending what's mine first, so that I can be strong enough to protect and defend what belongs to others, too. I guess if that makes me a Nazi fascist kook then so be it.

My philosophy is, just leave me the heck alone, and I will give you the same courtesy. Mess with me and mine, though, and there will be heck to pay through a shower of rocks and boulders.

As such, I believe in a strong national defense. But I wouldn't insist that the U.S. military convert its weaponry to rocks and boulders. Those may work for me personally, but probably not against other countries with missiles that can be launched with the push of a button.

It's also the economy, stupid. Sorry, I borrowed that from Bill Clinton. Hey, he never trademarked it, so his loss!

Keep American jobs in America, and help her to be more self-sufficient in the production and distribution of goods. America was greater when she produced for the rest of the world instead of consuming from it.

Diversify our energy consumption by expanding sources of energy. Don't replace fossil fuels with green energy. Supplement them instead. I produce a lot of natural gas myself. So do cows. The more diversity we have in energy, the more energy can be produced to meet our needs without harming the environment or skimping on volume.

Equal rights. Everyone has the right to be howled at, wood-knocked or have boulders thrown at them by me regardless of their skin color, ethnic or national origin, gender, sexual preference, religion, politics or disability.

Social justice means you have the right to be treated the same by me if you trespass into my life, no matter who you are, what you look like, or what you think.

Don't hassle me, and I won't hassle you. A pretty simple rule to live by. Kind of like the Golden Rule.

I believe in freedom of the press. They have the right to smell me as any hiker or camper does. Equal olfactory access, I say.

There is probably more to write here, but right now I need to go hunt down a late-morning snack before lunch. Stay tuned!