Dagwood: So, the presidential primary season is unofficially over. We are just waiting for the Democratic National Convention to wrap up. The major party nominees will be Donald Trump of the GOP and Hillary Clinton of the Democrats.
When the primaries were underway, I asked Bigfoot for his predictions of the party nominations.
Looks like you are batting .500, Buster. You were right about Clinton and wrong on Trump.
In hindsight now, what do you think happened around the country to result in a Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton showdown?
Bigfoot: First let me say that a .500 average is better than any major league player, so I don't feel too bad about missing on Trump.
I mean, a lot of people do dumb things when they are angry. But voting shouldn't be one of those.
Then there are people who do dumb things just because stupid is as stupid does.
How many brain cells does it take to vote for someone who is on a power trip? Hillary's been on one for the past quarter century. Since 2000, she's actually been in a power grab. And people vote for this person. Can't they see the forest through the trees like I do?
Dagwood: I'm afraid you've got the edge on everyone here. You live amongst the forest and the trees.
Bigfoot: Ha, ha, ha. Very funny.
Dagwood: What's not so funny is that the world's most powerful office will belong either to a showman or a zealot. It's like having to choose between P.T. Barnum and Napoleon Bonaparte to be the leader of the free world. Scary.
Bigfoot: Tell me about it. I thought for certain Trump would fade and get taken by a more reasonable candidate like Cruz or Rubio. But I think Trump knows how to feed off peoples' emotions, and conservatives are fighting mad right now.
Dagwood: And what about Hillary?
Bigfoot: Bernie Sanders is fiery, but he lacks the stuff that Obama had to possess others to vote for him. No snake oil, no Obasm I always say.
Besides, the Clintons have a lot of influence in the DNC. It was sort of her year by default, as if the Democrats had this all arranged after the 2008 primary.
Dagwood: What about the third party candidates?
Bigfoot: BFD. Who cares? They won't win. But Stein could take Berner votes meant for the Democrats in November. Assuming this is a close race, Stein could be a spoiler to Hillary the way Ralph Nader was to Al Gore and John Kerry.
But, frankly, I don't see this being a close contest. I feel Trump will ride a tsunami of conservative anger into the White House. Then his true moderate rhino skin will show. Plus, he's got a hot trophy wife half his age that poses nude. Much more interesting than the potential First Dude Bill. Been there and done that for eight years already.
No more.
Dagwood: Speaking of mates, have you settled on a running mate for yourself yet?
Bigfoot: Sure have. Smokey the Bear. He's tough, loveable and dirty like me. But he'll shore up the environmental lobby for me; the most powerful political machine in the nation.
I mean, how could anyone not like a guy who is a first responder, believes in personal responsibility and conservation, while championing tourism? "Only you can prevent forest fires!" How cool is that?
Dagwood: Who else did you consider?
Bigfoot: McGruff the crime dog. But he settled instead for the A.G. Personally, I think he'd be better suited as top cop anyhow.
Dagwood: What, no Barney?
Bigfoot: And commit political suicide? No thanks.
Dagwood: Got the rest of your cabinet figured out yet?
Bigfoot: Sort of. Big Bird as Secretary of Education. Elmo is just a kid, after all. Kermit the Frog as my press secretary. Woodsy Owl as Interior Secretary. And Eddie Eagle as Secretary of Defense.
So far, that's it.
Dagwood: What, no humans?
Bigfoot: What do I look like, a populist? I am what I am...and that's all that I am, to borrow a phrase.
No comments:
Post a Comment